Dear Diary
by SarahMischel
Summary: Hermione was skimming through books at the library as usual when a sertain book caught her eye. A book that once belonged to Lily Evans Potter.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: You know the deal. I don't own a thing. It's all JKR's.

Hermione raced down the practically empty corridors. The book was clutched tightly to her chest. She was glad many of her peers had left for Christmas break or she might never find Harry. Let alone get him to a privet area where they could talk. She had to find Harry fast! Her feet ached from running all the way to the common room from the library. She reached the Fat Lady's portrait and yelled the password.

"Well deary, no need to shout." said the Lady swinging the door open. Hermione was relieved to find Harry sitting in the common room. His messy hair was flopped in front of his eyes and he was looking intently at a set-up chess board. Alone. Hermione wanted to laugh. Poor Harry had nothing to do since Ron had also left for Christmas. Harry looked up and saw Hermione. His face brightened immediately.

"Hermione!" he said waving her over. "Wanna play chess?" he asked hopefully. Hermione looked at him and the look in his eyes almost made her say yes. But they had something more important to talk about. She looked around the room. There were a few third years in the room next to fire and some fifth years in the corner. She had to get Harry completely alone for this.

"Harry" she said taking his wrist and pulling him up. "It's time we visit the Room of Requirement." She dragged him out of the room.

Harry had reasons to be suspicious. He hadn't been in the Room of Requirement for a year. The worried look on Hermione's face wasn't helping either. The arrived at the empty wall across from a tapestry of ballet trolls. Harry let Hermione walk across the wall three times by herself since he didn't really know what kind of room Hermione wanted. Suddenly a door appeared on the wall. Hermione ushered him inside. The room looked very cozy. There was a warm fire in the fireplace and big cushiony couches. Though there was a bit of nippiness about the room. He wasn't sure why it was there. Probably it was how worried Hermione was when she walked across the wall.

Hermione paced around the room. How was she going to show him? She went over and sat him on one of the couches. "Harry." She said lightly. "I have something I think you might want." She pulled out a leather-bound book. "I was in the library," Harry rolled his eyes. Was he supposed to be shocked by this fact? Hermione slapped his arm playfully. "Quit rolling your eyes like that. This is important. So I was in the library, just wandering, looking for something to read and…" she took a deep breath. "And this," She showed him the book. The letters L. E. P. shone on the beaten leather in gold lettering. The book looked very old. A bit tattered even. "I was drawn to this. Harry? Do you know what this is?" she asked.

Harry looked at it a moment than nodded. "It looks like a diary." He said.

"Yes, yes" said Hermione impatiently. "But _who's_ diary?" she asked.

Harry looked more closely at the diary. He saw the letters but he was still quite confused. "Apparently someone with the initials L. E. P. Hermione? Will you please get to the point?" he asked.

"Harry." She started, patting his hand. "Think about it. L. E. P." she said. Harry still didn't get it so Hermione finished. "Lily. Evans. Potter." She said to him.

At first Harry was confused. Then shocked. Then amused. "Hermione, there are tons of people with those initials. And if it's Lily _Potter_ then it's after my mum and dad got married which was _after_ they left Hogwarts. So why would it be in the library?" he asked, pleased with himself for outsmarting Hermione.

Hermione sighed. "I wasn't sure of it myself at first. Until I saw this." She opened the book to show writing on the inside cover. It read,

_My darling Lily,_

_Congratulations! Marriage is a wonderful thing. I wish you and James the best of luck and happiness. I remember my wedding day as though it was yesterday. But there was one thing I wanted more than all the gifts I got, and that was a journal. On this adventure you will experience new and exciting events. I will always love you and will always be here for you._

_Love, Your Mother,_

_Holly Evans_

Harry gazed at the writing for a moment in complete shock. Suddenly, his brain seemed to turn on like a light and realization hit him painfully fast. "So this is really it." He said taking the book in his hands. He ran his finger over the letters on the front and flipped through the pages. "This is really my mother's." He looked back up at Hermione, his eyes glassy and wet steaming his glasses. "Thank you." He said. He wished he could thank her more but he was in to much of a state to do much at the moment.

Hermione got up to leave. "Your Welcome." She said hugging Harry and heading towards the door.

"Wait!" called Harry. Hermione turned to him. "Don't leave. I… I…" he stuttered then regained himself. "Will you read it with me? To me?" he asked her. He noticed the quizzical look on her face. "I mean you don't have to but I mean you found it and all and you are my best friend and I need to share it with someone and it being my mother maybe if a woman read it, it wou-"

"Harry." She said cutting him off. "I said yes." Hermione walked back over to the couch and sat as close to Harry as possible. She opened the book and started reading.

"_It doesn't shine as brightly anymore."_

AN: Whew! There's the first Chap. It's kinda short but I _had_ to end it there. So… R/R!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: There was one in the last Chap.

"_It doesn't shine as brightly anymore. I'm sitting alone in bed right now, waiting for James to come home. I noticed the pendent on my neck and just watched it for awhile. Maybe it still is glowing as much as it used to. Maybe the _outside_ of the pendent is dirty or old and that's why it looks dull. Or maybe I'm just trying to hide the fact that it's _not _shining as brightly as it did that night._

_I remember the first time I ever saw the pendent. That night was a first time for a lot of things. I wrote about it in my last journal but I lost that one a long time ago. But I want to keep that night written because it was one of the most important nights of my life. I remember it so well, when I think about it, it seems like I can just relive it._

_I sat at the edge of the lake and was very close to tears. James, my loving boyfriend of almost two years, had been ignoring me lately. Every time I tried to talk to him, he would find some excuse to leave or just give me one word answers. This was too much to bear for me. Or worse, what if he was seeing someone else? I wouldn't be able to bear that. I would probably kill myself if that happened. I knew I loved James. I had never said the words and neither had he but he _had _to love me! If he didn't I wouldn't be able to go on. I used to be the little loner bookworm. I had never had many friends. I always thought school was more important. Then James started to pay attention to me and he became my one friend. And when he first asked me to go to Hogsmade with him, on a date, I felt like I could fly. Almost immediately I knew he was the one I would be with forever. _

_I heard a noise behind me that broke my train of thought. Footsteps. I turned to see James walking over to me and I panicked. I tried to relax and look as normal as possible. James reached me and put a hand on my shoulder. "Can I talk to you?" he asked._

_I felt my heart breaking. This was it. He was going to break up with me. I numbly followed him as he led me around the castle. I wasn't aware of anything around me and I couldn't feel anything except the pain of the situation. He finally stopped and I stopped and looked around. There was nothing special or anything. The castle wall was to my right and the Forbidden Forest on my left. There was a little area of grass in between and that's where James and I were. _

_James took a deep breath. "Ok. Here we are." He said. I was still out of it and had no idea why this area was where we needed o be. Then James took out his wand and started waving it and muttering. Suddenly, there was a door in the middle of the little field. It wasn't very special. Just a wooden door with a few carvings in it. But why a door? It didn't seem to do anything or lead anywhere. James opened it and ushered me inside. I was definitely not prepared for what I saw. It seemed to be a little area surrounded by a hedge of roses. I was so unprepared that I fell to my knees on the grass. But the grass didn't feel like grass. It felt more like a carpet of silky strands. James sat down next to me. _

"_Are you alright?" he asked worriedly. I nodded as he picked me up and led me to a little black garden bench and sat me down. "This place is totally privet. No one else can see it or hear through it or get inside it without me." he said._

_Now I was really confused. This place was so beautiful and nice, and James had apparently worked very hard to make it. Is this really the type of place people break up in? Maybe he wanted me to be in a nice privet place to cry. I took a deep breath and braced myself._

"_Lily," he said putting his hands on mine. "As you know it's been about two years we've been together. Two years of wonderful events with you But I think it might have to change." He said gripping my hands. I was so scared. He was really going to dump me! "Lily," he said looking in my eyes. "I love you."_

_I sat there looking at him dumbly. That was defiantly _not_ what I expected. Maybe I heard him wrong. "What?" I asked. _

_He looked at me again with a grin. The grin that made my heart melt. "I love you." He repeated._

_I sat in shock for a few more seconds trying to sort out what he had just said. Those three simple words were tangling my mind into millions of knots. "I… I…" Oh it was so hard to say anything! James just smiled and pulled a little box from his pocket. He held it out to me and I took it and opened it. _

_I had to squint to see properly. Whatever was in the box was shining with an unmatchable brightness. My eyes adjusted to the light and I saw the pendent. It was emerald green and shaped like a heart. It had silver strands running across it and the inside… I wasn't sure what the inside was. It looked like there was a sort of fire in the emerald. I saw that it was the fire that was emitting the glow._

"_That flame," said James pointing to it, "Do you know what that flame is?" he asked. I shook my head as I was at a loss for words at the moment. "That flame is pure love. My love." He said. "That's why it's glowing so much. Because I love you." He had repeated the words. I was still trying to process all of this. He showed me his hand. He was wearing a ring that seemed to be the same type of emerald as the necklace I was holding. Only his wasn't shining. I panicked for the hundredth time that night. I loved him! I knew I did! But why wasn't his glowing?_

"_You need to say it." He said answering my unasked question. I looked at him stunned. His grin faltered. "Y-you need to say you love me to activate it." He said nervously. I still sat there stupidly. My mind wasn't working. I tried to speak but my brain wouldn't let me._

_James frowned. "Unless you don't." he said sadly. "It's alright if you don't. This is probably too much. Lily I'm so sorry! I just thought-" But I cut him off. I couldn't let him think I didn't love him!_

"_Oh, James!" I said as my eyes filled with tears of happiness. "I love you! I love you with all my heart." I cried. There was a blinding flash. I couldn't see. I squinted and could barely see my pendent and his ring lighting up the area. I could feel the light too. It was the most wonderful feeling I had ever felt. We had to wait for what felt like forever before the glow dimmed enough for us to see. James wrapped me in a tight hug and then gripped my shoulders and softly put his lips to mine. It started soft but it soon became heated and passionate. He released me and I was about to complain when he held up the necklace._

"_May I put it on you?" he asked. I nodded and turned, holding my hair out of the way. As I felt it on my chest I realized it was oddly warm. I had expected a stone to be a bit cold. But I smiled as I remembered it was filled with his warm love. He turned me around so he could see it on me._

"_Beautiful." He gasped out. I blushed. "It matches your eyes." He said kissing my forehead. Then my cheek. Then my lips and we were involved in another sultry kiss. And it was there, in the little privet area behind the castle, I first made love with James Potter._


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Hey everyone! First of all, thank you people who reviewed! I'm so grateful. I'm more of a reader than a writer but I just HAD to get my ideas down Next, umm… well the thing is, love scenes? I read them, I admit, but do dice on the writing part! Sorry! Not my thing. I tried it once and it TOTALLY did NOT work out. So I'll just leave it to your imagination ;) Oh! And a heads-up, this chap is going to be reeeaaally short. I'm doing this story in small pieces. I hope that's alright. Keep R/R! Ciao for now!

Hermione looked up at Harry. "That's the end of the first entry." She said. Harry wasn't really listening. He was thinking.

At first he was thinking about how much his parents loved each other and how girlishly romantic his dad was. He smiled at his thoughts of his parent's happiness. But then he started thinking about the beginning of the entry. It didn't shine as brightly anymore? His mother was talking about the pendent. The pendent of his fathers love. Was his dad's love for his mother really dimming? He didn't like that thought at all. He wanted to think of his parents as soul mates. Destined to be together for all time, through life, and death. _Till death do they part. _Harry thought grimly thinking about how they died together.

"Harry?" Hermione said gently nudging him. Harry snapped back to reality and looked at Hermione like he just realized she was there. "Do you want me to keep going or do you want to read more another night?" she asked.

Harry thought for a moment. He was dying to find out about the rest of his mother's thoughts and life before he was born. But he knew that could wait. He saw how tired Hermione was getting. It must have been very late. But there was one thing Harry had to do before he and Hermione set off for bed.

He held Hermione close in a tight hug. "Thank you so much." He whispered. "Hermione, I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you."

"Oh, you don't have to repay me." Said Hermione. "It's been lovely just to sit here with you. And it's been very special to me knowing that you are willing to share something like this with me." She told him.

Harry smiled. "I wouldn't dream of sharing it with anyone else."

Hermione looked at his eyes. They were tearing. She wondered if it was out of sadness or happiness. He did have a silly grin on his face. But she was still focusing on his eyes. She had never told him, but she loved his eyes. They were like green rainforests that she could get lost in and she'd never want to try and find her way out.

Harry leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. Hermione felt an odd fluttery feeling. "We'd better get back." Harry said pulling her up. She just nodded and followed.

On there way back Hermione thought about what had just happened. Not the reading really, but after. Why had she felt so fluttery when Harry kissed her? It was just a friendly kiss on the cheek. It didn't mean anything. Maybe fluttering is just a feeling you get when anyone kisses you for any reason. She heard Harry tell the Fat Lady (A very grumpy Fat Lady for being woken up!) the password and she was jerked back to life. That walk had gone by way to fast.

There was no one in the Common Room when they stepped in. Hermione pulled the Diary out of her robes and handed it to Harry.

Harry put his hand up to stop her from giving it to him. "I want you to keep it for me. Is that alright? I'd probably lose it in all my junk anyway." He said with a little smirk.

Hermione just looked at the Diary then back at him. "But I couldn't! It's not mine or my mother's. It belongs to you Harry." She said.

"Hermione, I want you to keep it for me." He repeated putting his hands on hers around the Diary. He smiled and walked up to the boys dormitories leaving her alone in the common room. As she walked up to her room and crawled into bed, she put the Diary under her pillow. She had very strange dreams that night. She dreamt about the story in the Diary, only she was Lily and there was something wrong with James. She knew that Harry's father had brown eyes but the James in her dream had piercing, rainforest green eyes that she could get lost in.


	4. Chapter 4

Hermione woke up from her unsettling sleep and looked at her clock. 5:30am! Hermione was an early riser but this was ridiculous! She stretched and sighed. She knew she never could go back to sleep after waking up. She stumbled over to her mirror and ran a brush through her hair a few times. Hermione tiptoed past Parvarti and Lavender, careful not to wake them. _Hogwarts A History_ and _Tricky Transfigurations_ lay on her bedside table and she scooped them up to go read in the common room. She had one foot out the door when she turned and looked at her bed. After a few seconds of thinking, she went back and took the diary from under her pillow and hurried down the stairs.

Hermione was shocked to find someone already in the common room. She could only see the back of his head but she knew from the untidy black hair that it was definitely Harry. She walked to the side of the couch he was sitting on but he gave no sign of noticing her.

"Harry?" she whispered. He didn't move. "Harry." she said a bit louder. He seemed to twitch before he looked up.

"Hey Hermione." Harry said weakly. His eyes were half closed.

Hermione sat down next to him. "Harry! Did you sleep at all last night?" she put her arm around him and tried to lift him up. "You're going to sleep." she insisted.

Harry waved her off. "I'm fine." he said getting up. "I was just thinking about the- the-" He yawned.

"The diary." Hermione finished.

Harry smiled weakly. "Yeah." he mumbled.

"Oh Harry you're dead on your feet! You _have _to sleep." Hermione tried picking him up again.

After a few minutes of Harry insisting he was fine and Hermione insisting he wasn't, they were both slouched on the couch. Hermione was leaned against Harry's side and Harry was slumped on the back. Harry noticed Hermione had brought the diary amidst her other books. He picked it up. "Hermione?" he asked.

She looked up and noticed he had the diary. "Yeah?" she replied, knowing what he was going to ask.

"Do you want to go read some more?" he asked.

"Alright. It is fascinating isn't it?" she said getting up. Harry got up too.

"I'll go get my invisibility cloak." he said starting up the stairs.

Hermione pulled him back. "Oh I don't think we'll need it. It's almost 8 and they can't get us in trouble for being up a bit early can they?" she said as they left through the portrait hole. (And upsetting the Fat Lady for waking her so early.) "But I was saying how interesting the diary was. I mean really, from her perspective. And how do you suppose it got in the library? Maybe it had a spell that would make sure it got to you, and you never going to the library-"

Harry was only half listening to Hermione. Only she could turn the diary into something "fascinating". He just thought about it as something he could have of his mother. Something he could have to help him learn about his parents. Any information at all was good with him. He soon found himself and Hermione in front of the entrance to the Room of Requirement. They both walked by three times and entered the room. It seemed to be exactly the same as it had been the day before but Harry noticed it wasn't as unsettling as it had been.

There was a fire already in the fireplace and he and Hermione settled onto the same couch as before. Hermione sat cozily next to Harry and opened Lily's book to the next entry.

_"I'm sorry I didn't finish the entry yesterday, Diary. I meant to put in more about what was happening now before closing. But the memory of that day had been so wonderful and James came home right after I had finished writing. Oh, he ruined everything! Here's what happened._

_I was so happy to see him after reliving the day he gave me the pendent. I raced down the stairs and gave him a big hug and passionate kiss. He picked me up and swung me around. I was so happy! I knew that the pendent was still shining. That was until he put me down._

_"So you're in one of _those_ moods huh?" he said kissing my neck. I felt instantly depressed. But I thought maybe it had just been me. After I explained it he would be just as happy to be with me without anything else._

_"Oh, you silly." I said playfully pushing him away. "Can't I just be happy to see you?" I asked._

_He gave me a frown. "Well you could but now _I'm_ in one of those moods." he said coming back over to me._

_I had had enough! Couldn't he just want to be with me without being all over me. "James" I said sternly. "I really don't want to right now. Can't you just be happy with me? Can't you be happy with just love without lust?" I hadn't noticed my voice was rising._

_He looked at me strangely for a moment. "Come on Lils you know I-" But I cut him off_

_"Don't you 'Lils' me!" I yelled. "Can't you for once just come home and say 'Oh I love you Lily.' or something? Maybe give me a day where we could just talk and cuddle on the couch. Where just being together would be enough for us. Like we used to. Like we always had. Why did it stop?" I asked._

_He was completely dumbstruck. For some reason that just made me angrier. I waited for him to respond. All he said was, "I'm sorry." After I had practically begged him to just tell me he loved me and all he said was 'I'm sorry'! _

_I didn't want to fight with him. I knew I loved him. Why? I have no clue. But I knew I did and still do. I just told him it was ok and went to bed._

_It's been an awkward morning. He seems almost scared of me. I don't know what to do!_

_Oh, I have to go now. Remus, Peter and Sirius are here! Maybe one of them can help._

_Lily"_

Hermione looked up from the book. She hadn't noticed Harry had moved a bit so he was leaning on the armrest. Hermione wasn't sure what to do. That was the end of the entry and it basically said Harry's parents weren't as loving as he had always thought. She decided to chance nudging him. Maybe he fell asleep.

"Harry?" She nudged him. "Are you alright?" She asked.

Harry looked up at her. At first Hermione thought he looked as though he might yell at her. She regretted her question. Harry sighed. "Do you think I'm alright Hermione? My mother hated my father!" he looked like he was about to cry.

"Oh I'm sure she didn't hate him! She said she loved him even after- She couldn't of-"

Harry put his hand up and cut her off.

"You read the damn thing! You can't tell me you don't thing she's on the verge of leaving him! And my father. He was such a- such a- a bastard!" Harry yelled.

Hermione put her hand on his shoulder. "Harry," she said trying to calm him down. "He couldn't have been. I'll-" She wasn't sure _what_ she was going to do! "I'll read the next entry! You'll see. They'll forgive each other! I know it." In her mind Hermione was begging, _Please, please, please let them be happy together!_

She hugged Harry and he seemed to calm down. She took a deep breath and turned the page. _Oh god no! _Hermione thought when she saw the page. It looked stained with drops of water. Tears. She saw the first sentence and wanted to cry herself. This was _not_ good. But she had to read it to him. He had to hear it all.

"_I kissed Remus. I don't why or how it happened but oh gosh I don't know what to do! _

_I was so upset with James and I needed to ask someone for help! Then Sirius and Remus and Peter came over and they knew James better than anyone. Sirius and James never have secrets and I knew if I asked him for help he would just go tell James! I didn't want that. Peter, well Peter doesn't know much about these matters. He probably wouldn't understand half the things I would have said. But Remus, I thought Remus would be perfect to ask. He's sensible and kind and smart and I knew he could help. Or at least I thought he could._

_We were just finished dinner and James was showing Sirius the TV I convinced him to get. Of course Peter had to tag along. Remus was already familiar with muggle electronics so I pulled him away. I brought him to the guest room and sat down with him. He was so nice to me. _

_I couldn't help but start to cry while I talked to him. He held me close while I cried and he told me everything I had ever wished James would say._

_"I don't understand why James is acting this way." he told me. "He's the luckiest man alive just to have you by his side. I don't understand how he could be such a pig. Yes, you are beautiful but he should love everything about you. You're so caring. You always are willing to help others. You are always-" he stopped and wiped a tear from my eye. "You're always happy." I smiled at him and he smiled back. "And you're smart. One of the top in our year if I remember." he said._

_I mock glared at him. "But you were the very top." I reminded him._

_He turned my chin up toward his face. "That's true but not the point. The point is, you're a wonderful person, Lily. James is being stupid. You're absolutely right." he said. I smiled. He understood! Remus continued. "He should love you and appreciate you much more than he does. But everything will be ok. I promise." Just the way he said that, it was so sweet and heartfelt. It made me feel a bit lighthearted. Uh oh. But Remus kept going. "You're someone _many_ people care about and" he stopped and sighed for a second then looked back at me again. "You're someone too many people love." he told me._

_Oh why did he have to be like that! My stomach was tied in knots. I knew what was happening but I didn't care. He was so close to me. I didn't notice how close we were getting but I knew I was moving in too. I just suddenly felt his lips on mine and I didn't want to move. _

_I heard the door crash open and James yelling. Then I felt horrible pain. It was like a dagger of ice piercing my heart. I couldn't see or hear anything. I couldn't breath or scream. I put my hand to my chest trying to stop the pain. I felt the pendent and clutched it. The pain in my heart stopped but now my hand felt like a thousand needles were spearing through it. I tore off the pendent, dropped it on the ground and I felt that I could breath again and my vision and hearing started clearing. At first all I heard was yelling. Then, I started to be able to see. And I didn't like what I saw at all._

_James and Remus both on the floor in a bloody fight! Well it was really James doing the fighting. Remus just laid there and got the stuffing beat out of him! I tried to pull James away and I yelled for him to stop. At first he waved me off but after I kept at it he turned to me, his eyes blazing._

_"What the HELL is going on?" he yelled. I cringed at his voice. I'd never heard him yell like that before. I felt like I couldn't speak again._

_"J-James I wasn't- I- I didn't. I-" I didn't know what to say really. It was what it looked like and I had chosen to. "I- I- I never..."_

_"Never what?" he cut in. "Never thought I'd walk in the door and catch you? Never loved me? Never..."_

_"James! Shut up!" I turned to see Remus getting up, rather shakily, and walk over to us. "You're the ass to talk! Saying 'never loved me' like you've endlessly loved her perfectly." he said, his voice rising. I didn't want another fist-fight so now I was trying to hold Remus back. _

_James glared at Remus for a moment. "Stay away from matters you don't understand" he told him. Then he looked at me. "I was so scared when it happened." he pulled his ring out of his pocket. Then immediately dropped it. He glared at me. "I see." I understood what he meant. Apparently his ring felt the same as my pendent. "Lily, when I felt my ring freeze I thought something horrible had happened to you. Not that it didn't" he added referring to what happened with Remus. "But I thought you had gotten seriously hurt or even died! Something that would make you unable to feel. I wouldn't have imagined that you could ever- That you might- That you didn't-"_

_"But I do!" I screamed. "I always have and I always will!" _

_"But you didn't!" he argued back. "Damnet Lily you didn't! I felt like my heart was being ripped out when I crashed in here!"_

_I wanted to cry. Maybe James loved me. But why couldn't he show it? Why did he have to be so insensitive? James didn't seem to want to say anymore. He walked to the other side of the room. Remus walked over to me. I was scared. What if I felt the same way I did a minute ago._

_He put his hand on my shoulder. "I'm so sorry Lily. I shouldn't have done that. It was stupid. _I_ was stupid"_

_I didn't know what to do then. I was so confused! I ran. I ran to my room and grabbed you, diary. Then I ran out the door into the backyard. Now that's where I'm sitting writing. Oh what should I do? Oh crap here comes James and Remus! Bye._

_Lily"_

Hermione looked up at Harry. He was going to cry.

"You said she'd forgive him." Harry told her. "She didn't. She kissed Lupin!" he yelled. He got up and started marching toward the door. "I'm gonna kill him!" he said. Hermione shot up from the couch and held him.

"Please Harry, think! It was just an accident!" Hermione pleaded. "Please Harry."

"It wasn't an accident!" he said back. "She knew what she was doing! And so did that damn Lupin!" He marched out of the room.

Hermione stood there for a second then went back to the couch and took the diary. "I wish I never found you." she muttered.

Suddenly the door burst open and Harry came storming in. He reached for a jar next to the fireplace. _That wasn't there before_ thought Hermione. Then she realized. He must of went out and walked front of the door three more times for floo powder. Hermione got up and snatched the jar away.

"You know if you yell at him about it you'll have to tell him about the diary. Do you really want him to take it from you?" she asked. Harry didn't respond. He just slouched over and started out the door again. Hermione caught up with him and clung to his arm. "Will you come to breakfast with me at least?" she asked.

Harry sighed. "Alright Hermione. Can we read more later?" he said the last part a bit aggressively. Like he wanted more reason to kill Lupin.

"Of course."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Sorry I'm not too good with updating. I really try though. Well, don't wanna delay you any longer!

Hermione stayed in the Room of Requirement for most of the day. She'd never read ahead in the diary without Harry, but the diary intrigued her. There were so many questions she had that she hoped would be answered. But Hermione stayed true to the promise she made herself, not to open the diary past what she had read with Harry. Oh, maybe just a peek. No, no!

This was confusing Hermione. She had never had trouble with restraining herself before. Well, maybe she had a few times, but that was when she wanted to learn something for class or to help. Wasn't that exactly what the diary was? A book she wanted to study? She sprung up from her chair. She had to get out of the room. She grabbed her bag and hurried out of the room.

"Hermione?" said Harry from next to her. They were in the Great Hall at dinner. Hermione had spent most of her day in the library trying not to think about the diary too much. Harry spent most of his day in the Quidditch field trying to clear his head. Neither of their plans worked too well. The diary was the only thing either of them could think about.

"Hermione?" said Harry again when she didn't respond.

Hermione snapped out of her little daze and looked up. "Huh? Sorry Harry." She said. She had been thinking about how far the diary went. Did it reach all the way until Lily's last hour? What about Harry being born? Did it cover that?

"I don't know if I want to keep reading the diary." he told her. Hermione was focusing now.

"What?" she said loudly. Harry hushed her.

"It's depressing." Harry whined. "It just gets worse and worse. If we keep reading it, it might just be horrible. If we don't, we could just pretend we never found it." He put his head in his hands. "It's just too much."

Hermione had heard enough. She smacked him on the back of his head. "No way, Harry!" She stood up. Harry looked up at her startled. Hermione looked around to see everyone looking at her strangely. She sat back down blushing. "There is no way they can stay mad at each other." _That isn't the fairy tail it should be! _She thought desperately.

Harry sighed. "Ok, how about you read the next entry, and tell me if it's good." He continued picking at his food.

Hermione grabbed his hand and pulled him up, unmoved at all of the weird looks she was getting. "You're coming with me. Now." She dragged him out of the great hall. Harry was too surprised to fight back. "They have to stay together." Hermione muttered. "They _have_ to." She dragged Harry to the Room of Requirement. "Harry we _have _to keep reading! I can't without you!" Hermione pleaded.

Harry finally pulled himself away from her. "Why? Can't you read it yourself and leave me alone?" But he didn't leave. Now that he was being forced, he had an excuse to keep reading the diary.

Hermione dragged Harry into the room and pointed to the couch. Harry smiled at her and sat down. She pulled the diary out of her book bag and sat on one of his legs. "I'm not letting you leave." She said sternly and looked for their place in the diary. No matter how tough a time Harry was having with the diary, he couldn't help but smile at Hermione.

Hermione cleared her throat to start the next entry but hesitated. Why did Lily have to start her entries so terribly? Hermione sighed and read.

"_Things went awful with James! They both came outside to see me. James sat one side of me and I was so uncomfortable and scooted away from him…right into Remus' lap. I didn't notice him sit on the other side of me. James looked horrified and Remus gave me a look that asked 'Do you want to get us both killed?' _

"_Sorry." I mumbled, blushing, as I got off him and looked down at my feet so I wouldn't have to look either of them in the eye._

"_Lily," said James. I didn't look up. "Lily. Please." I slowly turned my head to the side to see him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his emerald ring. "I can hold it now" he said quietly. I just nodded. _

_I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked at Remus. He sighed. "I'm so sorry, Lily. It was my fault. All that could have come of that would be pain, for me, James, and you. I'm truly, deeply, sorry." He sighed and let his hand fall from my shoulder._

_He looked so sad sitting there. I bit my lip trying not to cry again. "No Remus. It wasn't your fault." I said, and against my better judgment, I drew him into a hug. He responded rather nervously (And I don't blame him since James was looking daggers at him). _

_James gave a little cough to get our attention. I felt very frustrated with him. What, did he think I'd never let go? Did he think a simple friendly hug would turn into some kind of intense make-out session? I sighed and pulled away from Remus. "Why don't you go see what Sirius and Peter are up to?" I suggested and Remus got up and left after giving one more weak yet encouraging smile._

_So this was it. I was all alone with James. I glared at him before he could say anything. He glared back. "Well?"_

_I looked at him stunned. "Well what? You tell me?" Alright, I admit I didn't know entirely what I was saying, but I wanted to argue with him. I sound awful, I know._

"_Well I think..." he sighed and looked into my eyes. "I think you don't love me anymore." He sounded very calm and sad. _

_I wanted to cry. This couldn't be happening! I couldn't stand looking at him, I knew I'd cry if I did. _

"_James," I said. "I… I just…What do you want me to say?" I asked pitifully. _

_He put his head in his hands. "_Why_?" he seemed to beg. "Why kiss Remus? Why not talk with me? I'll do anything, _anything_ to get you back!" He was pleading now. I've never seen James Potter plead. _

_I took his hands. "You still have me James." I kissed him. But it was awkward and quick. I sighed. "You know I love you." _

_He shook his head. When he spoke his voice sounded distant. "No, I don't know. Just tell me why you aren't happy with me, please?"_

"_You're a pig, James!" I yelled. I couldn't take this anymore. I had to just say it and get it over with. "You're a bloody pig that thinks of nothing but my ass and a glass of firewhiskey!" I stood suddenly, not sure why I was standing. I just wanted him to know I had power! I wasn't going to let him push me around!_

_He looked up at me. He had… No, not possible…James Potter had, tears? I dropped to my knees and held him. "I couldn't tell you. I was just scared. I love you so much."_

_He was stiff in my arms. "Oh. I see. I didn't know."_

_I was stunned! Not even an apology? I felt like I was being pushed around again. "James Potter! If anyone needs to answer now it's you! Why treat me the way you do? Why are you not the same James I fell in love with? You're not the James I married!" I couldn't take it. I broke down and cried. _

_James put his arms around me. It seemed more like instinct than that he wanted to. I felt horrible. He didn't want to be near me. He didn't want to touch me. He _had _to. I pushed him away._

"_It's time to send your friends home." I told him. I felt weird saying that. Peter and Sirius and Remus were my friends too. But it was because of James I had met them and I wanted nothing to with him at that moment. _

_The rest of the day went by and I hardly talked with James at all. I miss him so much. Us being in the same bed is totally awkward. He's asleep right now. I wish… I don't know. I just want it to be like it used to be._

_Lily_


	6. Chapter 6

Hermione looked at the last sentence with tears in her eyes. Why did she have to find this book? Why!? If this was how she felt, she didn't even want to look at Harry. But she forced herself to.

He looked oddly calm. There were no tears or any emotion at all in his deep green eyes. And that in itself scared Hermione. Shouldn't he feel _anything_?

"Harry?" he said softly. "See? They- They worked it out. It'll just take time. That's all." She stroked his arm, hoping to get some reaction from him. Hoping she was comforting him somehow.

He sat still as a statue. This was really troubling. Hermione tried again. "Harry?" She shook him a little. "Harry?"

"WHAT? Hermione?" He snapped at her harshly, his eyes blazing. Hermione took her hand away from him. She felt a lump in her throat. She'd never been able to take harsh words well but this time she felt tears sting her eyes.

"I- I-" She swallowed the lump in her throat. "I was just trying to help." She mumbled.

Harry looked at her, not with malice anymore, but sort of an insane glint. "Help? You want to _help,_ Hermione?" He took the diary from her trembling hands and tossed it dangerously near the fire. "Just destroy it already!" he wailed.

Hermione made to get up and get the diary but Harry held her back roughly into his lap. Hermione was scared for a moment then he heard him say,

"No, just- Stay here for a minute?" he seemed to plead.

Hermione looked at him confused and nodded. It wasn't like she was going to leave him forever if she got up. She cautiously reached a hand up to touch his cheek. She was going to ask him if he was ok or even that she'd stay forever but it was silently agreed that her touch was enough.

Harry rest his head on Hermione's shoulder and closed his eyes. "Thanks."

Hermione sat with him for about half an hour. Neither moved. Hermione thought about that brief moment Harry snapped at her, forced her down. It was scary. He'd never been like that to her, to _anyone_.

Maybe she shouldn't make him read the diary. It was becoming too much for him. She glanced at it near the fire.

Harry saw that glance. He knew Hermione was trying to help. He knew she would want to keep reading it. He didn't want to but he was going to force himself through it. He had to know why the diary came to Hermione. Came to him.

He lifted Hermione from his lap and put her back on the couch. He stood and got the diary and looked at Hermione like he was confused and didn't know how he'd gotten where he was. He looked back at the diary and gave it to Hermione.

Hermione was stunned and bewildered. The change of heart in such little time was surprising. She realized the diary was making him unpredictable. Even dangerous. She looked at Harry who'd sat down again and by his eyes she knew he was going to get through this. She was to continue.

'Oh thank god' Thought Hermione. The new entry began,

_Things are much better!_


	7. Chapter 7

_Things are much better! James did the most romantic thing for me. I'll start at the beginning._

_I thought things would never be the same. It's been awkward for days now. We went on with our normal activities but we avoided each other constantly. So today I went to the store and when I came back, the lights were dim. But a path seemed to glow in front of me._

_I was suspicious but set down my bags and followed it to the living room. It was beautiful! There were roses and lilies everywhere! It reminded me some of the room we'd left at Hogwarts. But it was candlelit and soft music was playing._

_I assumed the worse, awful, I know. I assumed he was… aggravated. He wasn't getting any and he thought this would work. I was upset when he walked in._

"_Well? It took me all day. What do you think?" he looked at me with those big hazel eyes that he knew would make me melt. But I wouldn't let that happen this time._

"_Am I supposed to like it?" I asked, like a git. James' face fell._

"_Um, yeah?" he tried. "I wanted to apologize for acting the way I did." I was listening to him now. He continued, "I'm sorry for hurting you. I was scared. I thought our relationship would get boring and old. I wasn't sure what I could do for you so I got upset and acted like a jerk. Lily," he came to me and took my hands, "Do you forgive me?" I looked at him suspiciously. I still wasn't sure. He saw my look. "You don't have to answer now. Just spend the rest of the day with me, here." He brought me to the little couch._

_I listened to the soft music and sat down on the couch away from him. It started out uncomfortable but we got to talking. Just talking. And for hours. Eventually I was in his arms again. Things had become more normal. _

_Finally James sat my up and looked into my eyes. "Lily, I think there is something missing with us." He reached into his pocket and held his clutched hand out to me. Dangling from it was my necklace. The pendent was emitting a soft, but noticeable, glow._

_I smiled and hugged James tightly. I lifted my hair and he put the necklace back on me. While he was putting it on, I noticed his ring was shining too. Tears stung my eyes and I grabbed James and buried my face in his shirt._

_He held me. "Are you alright, love? Lily?" He pulled me off him and looked in my eyes. "What did I do wrong this time? I'll make it better."_

_I still had tears streaming down my face when I smiled. "Oh, James. What did you do? You loved me!" I kissed him over and over again. "You love me."_

_I was still crying as we both fell asleep on that couch._

_Lily_

Hermione smiled and closed the small book. She turned to Harry and he reached out to hug her. Hermione hugged him back and felt his tears on her shoulder.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: There is Dumbledore in the chap. And I don't care if you don't like it. It's fan _fiction_ I'm going to write _my_ story _my _way.  Enjoy!

Hermione just picked at her food. Usually people loved Hogwarts' winter dinners. But to Harry and Hermione, dinner was only a distraction. Their nights had become their time for the diary.

Hermione looked up at Harry. He was doing almost the same thing as her; just pushing little pieces of his food around. "Harry? I've been thinking."

Harry didn't look up from his plate. "What else is new?" he said sarcastically but with a smile.

She rolled her eyes. "I was thinking maybe," she hesitated for a moment, "maybe we should tell Dumbledore about the diary." She braced herself for his reaction.

"I think we should too. " Harry replied. Hermione looked at him, puzzled. She hadn't expected that. "I mean, after we're done reading it. That way we can change our minds later if we need to." He finished. He pushed his plate aside. "I'm done. Shall we?" Harry stood and Hermione followed suit and decided not to mention why she felt Dumbledore needed to be notified. What if the diary was a trap? But it was Harry's decision and she was not going to protest.

They made their way to their cozy little room and Hermione pulled the fragile book from her bag. She never went anywhere without it now. They resumed their usual positions and Harry rested against Hermione's shoulder and closed his eyes as Hermione began to read.

_Big news! I just can't believe it! I'm so excited! But I must start from the beginning.  
_

_It was the first time I'd let James be… close to me since our fight. He was being very sweet and gentle and always asking if I was alright. Not very far into it though, I started to feel lightheaded and short of breath. "Stop." I muttered. _

_He didn't seem to hear me. "Don't." I said louder. And "Stop" again. _

_Suddenly he became rougher than ever and I screamed out in pain. He immediately jumped away from me, his eyes wide in terror. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" he repeated. "You said 'don't' and then 'stop' and I thought you meant don't stop' and I was just trying…I mean, I would've if I'd known… and... and... I'm sorry I'm sorry!"_

_I wasn't listening to his rambling and stood to make my way to the bathroom. I'd felt like a spike had been driven through my stomach. James got up and tried to help me but I pushed him away. "Just leave me alone ok?" I said harshly, which I admit he didn't deserve. But I needed to be alone._

_In his shock I rushed into the bathroom and grabbed the tampon box, the one place I knew James would never find the pregnancy tests I kept around. Just in case. I liked the muggle ones just because if I wasn't, I wouldn't need any magic anyway and if I was, then we could worry about the detailed things._

_I swear that was the longest 3 minutes of my life. And when it came up positive… I couldn't breathe. I tried to call for James but it was hopeless. I ended up stumbling out of the bathroom, clutching the test firmly. James, who was sitting on the bed looking dejected, rushed over to me. I held up my hand and he gave me a very confused look. He looked it over and over again._

_Realization seemed to come over him and he looked at me. "Does this mean what I think it does?" he asked and I nodded._

_I wasn't sure how he would react and was relieved when he smiled. He took me in his arms and laughed. Then he scooped me up and we spun around until I started laughing also. "This is fantastic!" he exclaimed. "Oh gosh we need to go to the hospital!" And without ever putting me down, we both got dressed and he got me to St. Mungo's._

_Soon enough we met with a chubby, bubbly doctor who then told us it was certain and I was pregnant. When I asked if he was sure sure, he reminded me that the magic way of telling had never been wrong. I was overjoyed. Then he asked, "Would you like to know the genders?" and tapped his wand against his other hand._

_I was confused. "Genders?" I asked, tilting my head. "As in, pleural? Like, more than one?" My mind was spinning._

"_Why yes!" he said with a chuckle. "You're having-"_

Hermione stopped and caught her breath. Harry looked at her and she closed her eyes and said,

_twins!_

Hermione stopped reading and waited for Harry to say something.

It was silent for quite some time before Harry finally said, "There must've been a mistake." He took the book from Hermione and read the words himself.

Hermione shook her head. "Determining pregnancy magically hasn't been wrong since the 1700s." she choked out.

They sat in silence. "Is that the end of the entry?" Harry asked. His voice sounded shaken.

"No." Hermione answered. And with a just a look from Harry, she knew she was to keep reading.

_I looked to James and he still had the same proud smile he'd had all night. "Well, do you?" he asked me and I had no clue what he was talking about._

"_Do I what?" I said, trying to process the past few seconds._

"_Do you want to know the genders?" he asked excitedly. I couldn't help but smile at the childish pride that was radiating from him. _

_I knew he wanted to know and I couldn't help myself. "Yes!" I cried out clapping. "Yes, yes!"_

_The doctor twirled his wand in the air. "Excellent! I love this part." And at that he tapped my stomach, mumbling something. Colorful wisps started flowing from his wand. They formed two entwined circles and they're colors started to become more definite. One was turning a purplish while the other became red._

_I watched in fascination and the doctor put his hand on my shoulder. "Congratulations!" he exclaimed. "You have a healthy boy and a healthy girl!"_

_James and I-_

The diary slammed shut and Hermione jumped. Harry didn't take his hand from the cover. "It can't be right." He stood and paced the room repeating 'No, no, no,'

Hermione wasn't sure if she should approach him or leave him be. She just sat there and waited.

Harry froze. "Ok! We take it to Dumbledore! Now!" he snatched the book from her hands and raced out the door like Hermione wasn't there at all. She didn't even have the chance to tell him to wait.

When she finally arrived at Dumbledore's office, the door automatically opened for her and she stepped in. Harry was sobbing on the floor and Dumbledore was at his desk looking very tranquil. "Thank you for joining us, Miss Granger." He said as he waved his hand causing a chair to appear for her. Before she could open her mouth, he started answering her questions. "I have already examined the book and there is no evil about it. I can also tell you that everything you have read is true. I was just telling Harry here that yes, Lily was to have twins."

The last part was muffled by Harry's wails. "But what happened? Why am I the only Potter? You know why! You know!"

Dumbledore nodded. "I do know. But I am not the one to tell you." This seemed to be what caused Harry's first breakdown as he collapsed again. Dumbledore took the diary from his desk and looked it over a last time with what Hermione thought was a tear in his eye, but it was gone before she could look again. He handed it to her with a nod and she received it in silence. "Continue with your reading. I believe Lily should be the one to tell you."

And without having said a word, Hermione left the office with a hyperventilating Harry and the mysterious diary under her arm.

They decided to finish the entry at another time. It had gotten late and the unexpected events had left them exhausted. The two didn't go to bed right away, they sat on their favorite couch just enjoying each other's comfort.

Hermione felt herself falling asleep but before she rose to go to bed, she took Harry's hands and looked into his emerald green eyes. "No matter what this diary says, or how the story goes, I will always be here for you and care about you more than anyone." And she smiled seeing him smile.

He was close enough to her that she could feel the warmth of his breath on her face. And when she felt his mouth against hers, she just closed her eyes as she felt herself become completely weightless.

He pulled away and she almost just went right back to him but when she opened her eyes and saw him, his hair in his eyes and his glasses askew, she suddenly became embarrassed.

"Thank you." Harry said. "For everything." At that he stood and started up to the boys dorms. Before he was completely out of sight he turned to her, "Goodnight."

Hermione then found her voice, "Goodnight." She said weakly.

Cozy in her bed she thought about recent events. If Harry had kissed her maybe a week ago, she'd have been elated, but he'd been so unpredictable lately, he was sad then angry then happy then angry or sad again. Was he becoming dangerous? Had she just made a huge mistake?


End file.
